Bad directors make movies that don’t absorb you at all. Movies that are boring, that have entire segments that leave you reading the news or playing at Canadian casinos online instead of watching them and still not miss a thing. But there are just a few directors that can transform scripts into movies so bad that make them immortal. And if these directors make video game movies – these are usually bad enough on their own – the result is a true disaster. And this is what, apparently, has become the life goal of possibly the worst video game movie director of all time, who will always be remembered as the guy who butchered so many promising franchises beyond recognition: Uwe Boll.
What Drives A Man
After seeing “Mutiny on the Bounty” with Marlon Brando at the age of ten, he decided that he will become a moviemaker. He shot several movies on Super 8 as a child, then went on to study directing in Munich and Vienna, along with literature and economics in Cologne and Siegen. He holds a doctorate in literature. His first feature film was a comedy called “German Fried Movie” that currently has a rating of 1.5 out of 10 stars on IMDb – but this didn’t discourage him at all. He went on to produce 52 movies, direct 32, and write 19 (FYI, Stephen Spielberg only directed 57 titles in his long and respectable career).
Video Game Movie Madness
The first video game movie Boll directed was 2003’s “House of the Dead”, based on Sega’s light gun shooter of the same name released in 1996. The only good thing about the movie was its soundtrack. The film was made on a budget of $12 million and grossed $13.8 million worldwide. Today, it still has a 3% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a 2/10 rating on IMDb. And it was a critical failure, too.
He didn’t let criticism discourage him at all, though. In the following years, Boll went on to butcher many other video game franchises on the silver screen: he directed “Alone in the Dark” (a critical and commercial failure starring Christian Slater), “BloodRayne”, with a star-studded cast including Kristanna Loken, Michael Madsen, Matthew Davis, Will Sanderson, Billy Zane, Udo Kier, Michael Paré, Meat Loaf, Michelle Rodriguez, Ben Kingsley, and Geraldine Chaplin (an even bigger box office bomb), “In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale” with Jason Statham, Claire Forlani, Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Ron Perlman and Ray Liotta (with a $60 million budget and returns of $10.3 million worldwide and five Razzie Awards nominations), Postal, credited as a “Live Action South Park” made on a $15 million budget that only grossed $146,741 worldwide, and Far Cry (another massive box office bomb).
Two of his movies – Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead – occupy the prestigious places of 48 and 29, respectively, he has several Razzies under his belt, including the one for “Worst Career Achievement”.
Luckily, after a failed Kickstarter campaign that he started to raise money for a new “Rampage” movie (not a video game movie but equally awful), he told his critics to f**k themselves in a viral YouTube video and retired.