Friends is constantly rumoured to be heading to a reunion, making us nostalgic about one of the best shows of the 90s (or ever). If you’re a fan of Friends then you’ve probably sung along to Phoebe’s songs.

RELATED: 5 Replaced TV Stars Everyone Noticed

They might not be Grammy winning tracks, but Phoebe’s songs have become famous due to their quirky honesty. We all know Smelly Cat – probably the most popular of Phoebe’s songs, but there are plenty more from the weirdest of the Friends.

Here are all of Phoebe’s songs from the popular 90s show (in order of appearance).


Love is sweet as summer showers
Love is a wondrous work of art
But your love, oh your love,
Your love is like a giant pigeon
Crapping on my heart.
La la la la la…

No Power

New York City has no power,
and the milk is getting sour.
But to me it is not scary,
’cause I stay away from dairy.
LA la, la LA la, LA la…

Both of Phoebe’s songs below were sung in the same episode (). She was interrupted by Dave and his friend arguing.


I made a man with eyes of coal
and a smile so bewitchin’.
How was I supposed to know
that my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La lalala laaa la lala La lalala la la…

Mother’s Ashes

My mother’s ashes, even her eyelashes,
are resting in a little yellow jar.
And sometimes, when it’s breezy,
I feel a little sneezy

Below is another one of Phoebe’s songs that she doesn’t finish. In this episode, she doesn’t finish because she runs off to meet the guy in a coma that her and Monica are both into.

My Man

You don’t have to be awake to be my man.
As long as you have brainwaves
I’ll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day,
there’s something I have got to say…


They’re tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,
and soon they’ll grow up and resent you so much.
Now they’re yelling at you and you don’t know why,
and you cry and you cry and you cry.
And you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry…

Hospital Closet

And they found their bodies the very next day,
they found their bodies the very next day,
la la la, la la la, la la la..

Phoebe’s songs below were from the episode where Terry from Central Perk won’t let her sing there anymore.

Shower Song

I’m in the shower and I’m writing a song
Stop me if you’ve heard it.
My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet,
and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
Lather, rinse, repeat
and lather, rinse, repeat
and lather, rinse, repeat
as needed.

I Play For Me

When I play, I play for me
I don’t need your charity
La lalala lalalalalalala
lalala lalala lalalalalalala….

Double-Jointed Boy

He was the double, double, double-jointed boy.


knows all the chords.


Terry’s a jerk!
And he won’t let me work!
And I hate Central Perk!
You’re all invited to bite me!

Phoebe’s songs can be very literal and she always seems to draw on her own experiences.

Two of Them Kissed Last Night

There was a girl, we’ll call her Betty
And a guy, let’s call him Neil
Now I can’t stress this point too strongly…
This story isn’t real.
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly?
Or will it be the one who we’ll call… Lulie?
He must decide, he must decide,
even though I made him up, he must decide!

Phoebe’s songs aren’t always appropriate for children.


Now, Grandma’s a person who everyone likes,
She bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike.
But lately she hasn’t been coming to dinner,
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
But the truth is she died and some day you will too.
Lalala LAlalala LAlalala LAlalala La La La La
Lalala LAlalala LAlalala LAlalala La La La La.

Another Thing You Don’t Wanna Do

There’ll be times when you get older
When you’ll want to sleep with people
Just to make them like you
But don’t.
‘Cause that’s another thing
That you don’t wanna do
That’s another thing
That you don’t wanna do.

The Cow

Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo,
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,
And that’s how we get hamburgers.
Now, chickens!


Sometimes men love women
Sometimes men love men,
And then there are bisexuals
Though some just say they’re kidding themselves.
La lalala lalalalala la
La la lalala lala la la.

Crusty Old Man

And a crusty old man
said, “I’ll do what I can,”
and the rest of the rats played moroccas.

Sticky Shoes

My favorite shoes, so good to me, I wear them everyday.
Down at the heel, holes in the toes, don’t care what people say.
My feet’s best friends, pals to the end, with them I’m one hot chicky.
Though late one night, not much light,
I stepped in something icky.
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, always make me smile.
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, next time I’ll avoid the pile.

Jingle Bitch

Jingle Bitch screwed me over!
Go to hell Jingle Whore!
Go to hell, go to hell,
go to hell-hell-hell.

Crazy Underwear

Crazy underwear, creepin’ up my butt.
Crazy underwear, always in a rut.
Crazy underwear…


…and fuchsia and mauve.
Those are the 66 colors of my bedroom.

Dumb, Drunken Bitch

…dumb, drunken bitch!

Goats are Parading

Parading, goats are parading;
parading down the street.
Parading, goats are parading;
leaving little treats.

Paper Mache’ Man

I’m, I’m still waiting for my papier-mache’ man.

Tiny Tarzan

Little tiny Tarzan,
swinging on an nose hair,
swinging with the greatest of ease…

Holiday Song

Went to the store, sat on Santa’s lap.
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap.
He said, “all you need is to write them a song.”
Now you haven’t heard it yet, so don’t try to sing along.
No, don’t sing along.
Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah.
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross.
And please tell Joey Christmas will be snowy.
And Rachel and Chandler, [mumbles].


Are you in there little fetus?
In nine months will you come greet us?
I will… buy you some Adidas.

Ode To a Pubic Hair

I found you in my bed!
How’d you wind up there?
You are a mystery,
Little black curly hair!
Little black curly hair!
Little black, little black,
Little black, little black,
Little black curly hair!

Heart Attacks

It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see.
One of them won’t do it, but the second one will set you free.
Tell all your hate and anger it’s time to say good-bye,
And that is just what I will do, as soon as those bastards I work for die!
La lalala lalalalala la, lalala lalala la la…

Phoebe’s songs aren’t meant for special occasions.


First time I met Chandler
I thought he was gay,
But here I am singing
on his wedding day.

Whenever I Get Married

Whenever I get married, guess who won’t get to sing?
Somebody named Geller and somebody else named Bing!


We thought Phoebe would leave,
but she just stayed and stayed.
That’s right, I’m here all night,
and Chandler will never get…


Who will perform the ceremony?
Who will perform the ceremony?

Phoebe’s songs didn’t go down well outside of Monica’s fancy restuarant.


And there’s a country called Argentina,
It’s a place I’ve never seen.
But I’m told for 50 pesos,
You can buy a human spleen,
Human spleen.

Smelled Like Garbage

It wasn’t just that she was fat,
the woman smelled like garbage.
It wasn’t just that she was fat,
the woman smelled like garbage.


The food here at Javu will kill you!
The food here at Javu will kill you!

Emma’s Song

Your name poses a dilemma,
‘Cause not much else rhymes with Emma.
Maybe the actor Richard Crenna
(he played the commanding officer in Rambo)
Happy Birthday, Emma!

Which of Phoebe’s songs are your favourite? Drop us a comment below and let us know.

RELATED: Our Top Five Favourite Fake Companies